cathyw | the meatsuit has a sense of humor

Back in March, a thing happened to my hip. I stood up. I felt a 'twang', perhaps. I'm not sure because it was instantly followed up with pain on a similar scale to unmedicated childbirth and the sense that the leg did not want to bear my weight and also the sense that I was going to pass out so maybe I should sit back down.

It took a couple hours for the pain to get down to a nuisance level. Because of the 'nearly passed out' factor they got me in to see a PA at my doctor's office that afternoon, who suggested that I had slipped my IT band and the pain from that triggered a vasovagal syncope, rest it, use ice and ibuprofen for a couple weeks. Makes sense! Would have been a great answer if that were the end of it.

That was not the end of it. I needed a cane for that couple weeks. After that I would have said 'oh, yeah, it's better' - but it's not better; it limits my walking to 200-300 yards without pain, maybe longer on a dirt path but I usually walk on concrete. A recent trip to JoAnn Fabric left me limping.

So I went back. My GP ordered an X-ray, which showed mild arthritis but a) not on a scale that should be painful yet and b) not in the location where it actually hurts. So I have been referred to Orthopedics.

On Tuesday I had my appointment with Orthopedics. Hubby was kind enough to drive, since he wanted a break from work. On the way there we went through a Taco Bell drive thru. This was a mistake; the item I ordered was messier than I thought and I ended up wearing some cheese sauce, and then while I was trying to chew and clean cheese off my sweater at the same time, we hit a bump and I swallowed a bite I had not completely chewed.

"well crap," I thought, "this is uncomfortable."

It became more than uncomfortable a few minutes later when I coughed all the saliva I had swallowed since then and the sip of tea I had drunk back up, a process I would need to repeat every 10-15 minutes. It became apparent that I was experiencing a rerun of one of my least favorite Stupid Meatsuit Tricks from about ten years ago: some fragment of food was caught in such a way as to completely block the esophagus, possibly plugging the valve at the entrance of the stomach. I was going to have to keep coughing until the blockage was cleared. And I knew from before that because 'can't swallow anything' is a risk of dehydration, I would have to go to the ER if it didn't happen on its on in fairly short order.

I did not make a good impression on Orthopedics; I had to very abruptly run to the bathroom once while being deposed by the medical assistant, and once more while consulting the doctor (who confirmed 'the pain is not in the right place to be arthritis, might be bursitis, might be tendinitis, have a referral to PT.' Yay?)

While waiting for my ride home, I brought up a piece of tortilla. I thought 'surely that was the offender'. I was wrong. When I found myself still unable to actually swallow the tea, we headed off to the ER.

The ER had a wait of upwards of 6 hours. I checked in. I explained the situation and they handed me a barf bucket. I found a place to sit where many people eyed the barf bucket warily - mostly I was spitting in it because I had figured coughing was unproductive.

Ten minutes later I had another coughing episode (which I took out in the hallway), a terrible one, which resulted in another piece of tortilla appearing in my bucket, and which also resulted in the woman I had been sitting next to relocating when I came back, noting, "whatever you've got I don't want." (she would not listen to me explain that I was not contagious.) And then I swallowed once and realized it had actually gone all the way down. I waited another half hour, swallowing instead of spitting, and did not have another coughing episode. VICTORY!!!

The nurses at intake were thrilled, both that my problem was resolved and that they got to take one person off their list of waiting patients without having to actually do anything. I signed the form that said I was leaving without being diagnosed and called my ride back.

Up next:
- Was sitting for 45 minutes in the ER, where everyone was masked but I had to lift mine occasionally to spit or cough, enough to give me the Rona? I will test on Friday and Sunday. Ironically I'm getting my bivalent vaccine on Friday.
- How much am I going to be billed for triage, vitals, and a barf bucket? Will insurance cover it since I was not diagnosed? (However much I have to pay for it all, it will be worth not sitting there for another 6+ hours unnecessarily.)
- Will the PT help or will I need a cortisone shot? I guess I am going to find out!
- The gastroenterology department has been trying to get me to have a follow-up endoscopy after the previous incident, which I have not been interested in since there hasn't been any recurrence of the problem.... except now there's been a recurrence. Hopefully I can get it in before the end of the year; between sleep apnea testing and my colonoscopy I've blown through my deductible this year so I feel like I should take advantage of that.

Sigh.