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I am planning an Adventure this weekend. Louden Swain, maybe best known as the Official Band of Supernatural Conventions (Rob Benedict, Chuck from the show, is the lead singer), is playing a show in Chicago that is not at a Supernatural convention, meaning a) it is only a four-hour trip and b) the ticket price will not be extortionate. I like the band. I usually get disappointed when I see they are playing non-convention shows and they're in places that are not within that 4-hour radius I would tell people I'm willing to drive for things. I got excited when I saw they were playing one in my travel radius.
I dithered. I kept thinking "I should buy the ticket and book train/hotel", because why drive to Chicago when you can train there? I kept not doing those things.
I finally got around to doing these things on Monday. It turns out that on Monday, I could buy a train ticket *to* Chicago on Saturday afternoon, but not home from Chicago on Sunday. Cue breakdown. Cue... the brain.
"Just stay home. You obviously don't want to go that badly."
Every obstacle. "Just stay home..."
Got the tickets. Got a hotel. Steeled myself to drive. Discovered a Twitter mutual is going; asked about meeting up. She says "Sure, when?" Brain volunteers, "Just stay home..."
Planning a tourism on Sunday (the one upside of driving myself). The Museum of Science and Industry is a place I haven't been since high school. The Robie House is nearby. I could theoretically do both of those things. Brain volunteers, "Or just stay home..."
Why. The fuck. Does my brain want me to stay home? Why does my brain want me to hide from *my entire fucking life*? Just sit still, quietly. Carry out assigned responsibilities, and then find a place to idle until reactivated...
My brain never volunteers a reason, of course. I guess it's safe? It's a known quantity? It's a known quantity of "vague suck" but it's not a catastrophe? It's not especially good, but it's not "wrong"?
Except it *is* wrong because I'm talking myself out of going everywhere and doing everything and I'm kind of miserable about it. I'm fighting my brain the whole way on this one, with my family cheerleading for me. (It would be easier if they could come. But they're not especially interested in the band.) But it is a fucking fight and I don't want it to be...
I dithered. I kept thinking "I should buy the ticket and book train/hotel", because why drive to Chicago when you can train there? I kept not doing those things.
I finally got around to doing these things on Monday. It turns out that on Monday, I could buy a train ticket *to* Chicago on Saturday afternoon, but not home from Chicago on Sunday. Cue breakdown. Cue... the brain.
"Just stay home. You obviously don't want to go that badly."
Every obstacle. "Just stay home..."
Got the tickets. Got a hotel. Steeled myself to drive. Discovered a Twitter mutual is going; asked about meeting up. She says "Sure, when?" Brain volunteers, "Just stay home..."
Planning a tourism on Sunday (the one upside of driving myself). The Museum of Science and Industry is a place I haven't been since high school. The Robie House is nearby. I could theoretically do both of those things. Brain volunteers, "Or just stay home..."
Why. The fuck. Does my brain want me to stay home? Why does my brain want me to hide from *my entire fucking life*? Just sit still, quietly. Carry out assigned responsibilities, and then find a place to idle until reactivated...
My brain never volunteers a reason, of course. I guess it's safe? It's a known quantity? It's a known quantity of "vague suck" but it's not a catastrophe? It's not especially good, but it's not "wrong"?
Except it *is* wrong because I'm talking myself out of going everywhere and doing everything and I'm kind of miserable about it. I'm fighting my brain the whole way on this one, with my family cheerleading for me. (It would be easier if they could come. But they're not especially interested in the band.) But it is a fucking fight and I don't want it to be...
