The thing about Joe Biden...
Apr. 2nd, 2019 08:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cathywWe've heard about the hair-sniffing thing, right? Lucy Flores, whose campaign rally Biden attended in support of her, said he made her "uncomfortable" when he came up behind her, sniffed her hair, and kissed her on the back of her head. She didn't think he did anything illegal, she didn't feel as though he'd assaulted her, but she felt like her personal space had been invaded. And the Interwebz got all, well, a-twitter about it. "Is this his #MeToo moment?" "Oh, come on, it's not like he grabbed her pussy..." "Oh, come on, that's just how Joe is..." "Her personal space? Should I have the next guy who stands too close to me in line arrested?"
The thing is, there's a lot of space between "sexual assault" and "okay", especially when you consider the context.
We Americans don't necessarily stand on a lot of formality, even in the workplace. We call our bosses and even their bosses by their first names. But there's still a line or two we don't cross. For example, we tend to greet each other with handshakes in professional settings.
Hugs are just a little too personal, too familiar, for most work or business relationships - especially when initiated by the person with more power or status. A kiss on the cheek, even more so. Maybe okay, depending on the person, depending on the relationship - but very dependent on the personal preferences of the person being hugged or kissed? Even outside work, it's better offered than assumed to be welcome.
Touching a woman's hair, face, maybe shoulder depending on how you do it? that's getting past "familiar" into "intimate". Especially if you're coming up from behind her and doing it by surprise. (See also: George W Bush giving Angela Merkel a backrub.) Sniffing her hair - again, having come up behind her? A tender kiss to the back of the head? So intimate, so personal, that you should probably not do it to any woman you are not actively dating, and not at a WORK EVENT. Not ever.
So... okay, yeah, if you want to make the distinction, it's not like he walked up to Lucy Flores (or anyone else who has made this claim) and grabbed her boob and stuck his tongue down her throat. But he did - in a professional, work-related setting - initiate intimate physical contact, by surprise. At a minimum, if these claims bear out - and this is not the first time I'm hearing about hair-sniffing! - he feels no obligation to behave professionally towards women he has status advantage over. And maybe it's true that it's just "Joe being Joe", that he's done this all his life, that nobody's ever called him on it before, but that doesn't make it okay.
It also means Joe... might have some work to do. If he wants to go down as America's Cool Uncle instead of America's Creepy Uncle, he's got to... stop talking and listen, which I understand is a tall order. He's got to accept that it isn't okay. And he's got to find a different way to relate to women.
And maybe he's got to not run for President this time around.
The thing is, there's a lot of space between "sexual assault" and "okay", especially when you consider the context.
We Americans don't necessarily stand on a lot of formality, even in the workplace. We call our bosses and even their bosses by their first names. But there's still a line or two we don't cross. For example, we tend to greet each other with handshakes in professional settings.
Hugs are just a little too personal, too familiar, for most work or business relationships - especially when initiated by the person with more power or status. A kiss on the cheek, even more so. Maybe okay, depending on the person, depending on the relationship - but very dependent on the personal preferences of the person being hugged or kissed? Even outside work, it's better offered than assumed to be welcome.
Touching a woman's hair, face, maybe shoulder depending on how you do it? that's getting past "familiar" into "intimate". Especially if you're coming up from behind her and doing it by surprise. (See also: George W Bush giving Angela Merkel a backrub.) Sniffing her hair - again, having come up behind her? A tender kiss to the back of the head? So intimate, so personal, that you should probably not do it to any woman you are not actively dating, and not at a WORK EVENT. Not ever.
So... okay, yeah, if you want to make the distinction, it's not like he walked up to Lucy Flores (or anyone else who has made this claim) and grabbed her boob and stuck his tongue down her throat. But he did - in a professional, work-related setting - initiate intimate physical contact, by surprise. At a minimum, if these claims bear out - and this is not the first time I'm hearing about hair-sniffing! - he feels no obligation to behave professionally towards women he has status advantage over. And maybe it's true that it's just "Joe being Joe", that he's done this all his life, that nobody's ever called him on it before, but that doesn't make it okay.
It also means Joe... might have some work to do. If he wants to go down as America's Cool Uncle instead of America's Creepy Uncle, he's got to... stop talking and listen, which I understand is a tall order. He's got to accept that it isn't okay. And he's got to find a different way to relate to women.
And maybe he's got to not run for President this time around.
